Diary of a Caramel

homleschapel:

summer is real cute until every fuckin type of insect comes out of the 8th circle of hell

I have had a very interesting year that draws me to write at this moment. I need to write frankly about myself, perhaps because the most confused about this is me.

I am Olivia. I wear bright colors and tall shoes and laugh extremely loudly. I love natural hair, African fashion, and most unabashedly Facebook After Dark. I write and sing and dance and do whatever the spirit moves me to do. I make Bible verse puns as a matter of course and am an unashamed fanfiction reader. 

Why is this important to anyone? It isn’t particularly, not even to me. It’s just who I am and what I do. But what is important here, important enough to stop writing my research paper and publish on the internet, is how I feel about people.

More than any of the other things I have just written, I love people. It’s the reason I love to perform, because I love to see people happy and entertained. It’s why I smile at people on the street because I am happy they exist. 

And because I love people, and because I am loud I feel as though I have been mistaken for many other things. I won’t give voice to them because I don’t think they are useful here, but I just want to clarify my own personal aims. 

Things You Should Know About Me Before You Come Closer

I love all people fairly equally, but the people who I am closest to should know that I give them nothing but my best. I will drop everything and run to them if they so much as insinuate that they need me. I have learned in the past year that some people are not like that, and so I will be very clear and very frank in saying that if you want to be a close friend of mine, I will give as much as I can of myself and expect the same level of commitment from you. As far as I can tell, it is not an ego thing (but really who’s to say) for me, but my expectation of reciprocation is out of self-preservation and mutual respect. 

I operate in all things expecting the truth, and as much of the truth as is possible. I am okay with disappointment as long as I know why. I would rather be insulted and know a real opinion a million times over than having someone who doesn’t address issues or give me all the information I need to know. Hiding information makes me very uncomfortable and worries me deeply. Granted, I know that not all things are mine to know, but even a simple acknowledgement that something is up is better than nothing. 

I am a passionate person in all things and if you are afraid of that, if you don’t believe in that, or if you are contemptuous in some way, we can’t be close. I have experienced too many times the sting of rejection for being too over the top. I am over the top in many ways. If you are surprised by this, you don’t know me very well. 

laffbending:

a mix for x / / pretentious purple prose summary here

the same songs by florence welch, lana del rey, ed sheeran, marina and the diamonds, mumford and sons; an acoustic folky cover of a song by ed sheeran originally done by black people to make it more accesible to a beige audience